2009 almost over!!

Dear Friends,

Sorry, I'm on holiday in Austria!! I hope you all spend a wonderful, weird Christmas! I'd be great if you shared your odd Christmas experiences with me - just write a comment!





















I don't know why, but it wouldn't actually surprise me if I saw one of these biped cats...
I'd rather be overwhelmed by the lady waiting for me in my living room, taking care of my Christmas tree.



















Yes, it is Lenin! (not the hamster, I don't know his name)

Once this horrible year 2009 is over, I'll be back in January with "Extreme bodies".
My best wishes to everybody and - see you next year!

Santa Claus as you don't know him

Every year around Christmas, the earth (or at least the so-called "Western" part of it) is invaded by an army of jolly Santas. Still using the same outfit chosen for him by the Coca-Cola company many decades ago, every year this old man travels from North Pole to each of the shopping malls in the United States, to warm up the heart of his beloved little children who are looking forwards with greed to receiving big and expensive toys for Christmas.

American vintage movies are full of him: Santa Claus at his home, preparing cookies and presents during the whole year, his elves and reindeer, him being so terribly busy on Christmas Eve to get all the presents delivered (many are the mathematicians and physicians who are astonished by the great number of places he is able to visit in one single day!).

He loves children. But do children love him? A man who isn't actually living at a cottage up there at the North Pole, who isn't probably as old as he pretends to and who isn't maybe as fat as a man who is eating cooking during his whole life is supposed to be?





















Thousands of men and women are hired every year by specialized talent agencies to throw on a Santa suit and ask children to sit on their lap and share their fondest Christmas dreams. Some of these "legitimate helpers of the real Santa Claus" are really creepy, haven't washed in ages, are completely drunk or stones or might even have pedophile tendencies.

There might be people who really enjoy acting as Santa Claus ("I was the star. I had my own dressing room."). But if you're not a vocational Santa, it's a crap job. The payment, the humiliation, the disguise (if it doesn't fit you well), dealing with children you hate (yes, indeed, the boy on the photo is Marilyn Manson).

And, of course, in January, no cozy cottage at the North Pole is waiting for you. They just kick you out. No elves, no reindeer, no cinnamon cookie smell. Hope that your sleeping place under the highway bridge hasn't been occupied while you were busy making come true America's Christmas dreams.


If a Santa Claus is hired, not only for a shopping mall, but also for a Christmas party at the office or a children's birthday, it's extremely important to hire quality. Search for professional Santa Claus agencies.


California has it's own Santa News Journal where useful information not only for clients, but also for the ones to become Santas, can be found. The journal's health section explains how to stay in perfect "Santa shape":

Health concerns are a major factor in selecting Santas for key jobs and particulary overseas assignments (like Hong Kong or mainland China). Most if not all costumers are not willing to take a chance that a Santa will become ill and not perform as well as he should or not be able to do his job at all.
The challenge for the professional Santa is how to stay healthy and still be a little overweight. He can have a belly like a bowlful of jelly but not like a barrel full of jelly. Professional Santas need to eat the right food and maintain a healthy weight.

In America, it's quite obvious who a Santa Claus has to look like (even though in reality, he's rarely a good representative of the original). But in Japan, where the tradition was imported not that long ago, the physical aspect of Santa is much more flexible: underwater Santas, techno Santas or even "Kyoto Santas", fighting against global warming.

Well, also in America some are tired of always the same red Santa with white beard. This "Black Prospector Cowboy Santa", for example, can be bought at J.C. Penney's for 29.95 $.

Many people are interested in Santa Claus' private life. Does he really live with nobody else but some stupid elves? Was there never a Mrs. Santa? Of course I could find some plastic figures of Santa Claus engaged in sexual activity, but - that's just gossip! It's much more reasonable to think of Santa as being gay - and a fetishist. I mean, spending his whole live in a cottage with a bunch of little dwarfs???

The following very cute cartoon of the 1930's confirms this theory of mine:




WEIRD GAY CHRISTMAS CARTOON 1930's King Picks Up Bums For Party! - A funny movie is a click away

Some say he's gay, some hate him for promoting commercialism of Christmas, but a lot of people say that it's not a coincidence that "Santa" looks just very much like "Satan". I found a website from on of these weird sects that explains in detail the origins of Christmas, of Santa and why Santa is in reality nothing but the helper of the Lord of Darkness himself. I didn't understand a word. Other theories say that Satan Claus is the evil twin brother of Santa Claus.
However, Santa Claus is like Ronald McDonald or Chucky - easy to be turned into an icon of horror (watch any of the many B series movies that can be found on Satan Claus). Or to be corrupted due to the financial crisis.

Leave your comments and see you next week!

Christmas consumerism - weird stuff to give

In the pre-apocalyptic future, the air will be so thick, it will be dark in the middle of the day. Coupled with the almost constant rain, you'll need to find a way to stay dry, and light your way to the noodle shop down the street.

Even though this is rather a scene from “Blade Runner”, Christmas shopping can sometimes turn into a horror trip (check this website specialized in publishing their reader's worst Christmas experiences), especially for those who decide to wait until day zero to get the Christmas tree, the presents and some quick burgers, while Mommy's been hysteric all day. Take your LED umbrella and take it easy – shop for some of the following items; for sure they'll turn your Christmas Eve in a funny and weird event!


Step 1: The Christmas tree.
If you’re a real American kitsch lover, get a wacky plastic tree with snowing machine.
If you'd rather define yourself as urban lifestyler living in a quite small apartment, this wonderful upside down pre-lit Christmas tree may be ideal for you.

Step 1: Christmas presents.
What most people are looking for are gadgets – accessories for your car, your ipod, your mobile phone, weird SkyMall stuff you definitively can’t live without etc.



But nothing can beat this. The perfect gadget to be invented in the future:




Christmas time is feared especially by those who lack the money to enjoy it. Walmart is the solution. The people of Walmart put on their Christmas themed clothing (in 2005, 50 % of Americans did so) and shop for cheap food, tacky decoration items and even gifts for their spouses and children. Walmart makes dreams come true, as this commercial full of cute and sentimental soldiers in Iraq, confirms.




Bacon is trendy these days – I found the perfect gift for nasty brothers and sisters: bacon and egg bandages or strips, bacon flavored dental floss or toothpicks. I think Twinkie flavor was also available.


Talking about eggs, this gun egg fryer (mold) also looks promising; the resulting egg can then be accompanied by some junk food ordered by Burger Phone.


When entering a child’s room, you will usually find him or her almost buried under mountains of stupid toys; but each year they want more and more of these horrible and useless plastic objects they’ve seen in some TV commercial…




I really liked this hugging-Yoda backpack or the Graveyard Gothic Garden – an idea I already had some time ago: bury something (hopefully not someone, as the Garden is very small), grow some strange and creepy looking plants and place some skulls and spiders in between.
For babies, the Vampire pacifier is an absolute must (unfortunately, the baby model on the photo doesn't fit...).



One of the most disgusting, but nevertheless very useful Christmas presents I found was this unappetizing kitchen tool: a “running nose” egg separator.

Got no money at all? One website on weird Christmas gift’s proposal was this:
Want someone to remember you? This is a cheap but memorable, strange Christmas gift that will make the most diehard conservative giggle a bit. Capture your own essence after eating Mexican food in a jar or other container that can be made to be airtight and then give the gift of odor this holiday season.

Well, I'm not quite sure this works. I'd rather suggest to save some money and buy the original remote controlled fart machine.

Christmas is also Santa Claus, snowmen and reindeer. But that's another story. I leave you with this beautiful but weird TV commercial for IRN-BRU, a Scottish softdrink.



I'm looking forwards to reading your comments, see you next week!